Monday, November 22, 2010
Sorry
I want to apologize for not posting anything in over a month. I will definitely get around to writing something over Thanksgiving break. I've been swamped in homework and when I have had free time I've just been trying to figure things out. If I don't have anything written by Sunday I apologize
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
I am without hate
I really wanted to write a blog post last night, but lack of sleep and a 1000 word theatre review required my attention instead. So now that I have an opportunity, or at least not caring about the work I got to do, I get to put my thoughts into world,
As some people know I had my heart crushed this past May, and it took me some time to realize I could move on, and to stop beating myself up. I was able to go basically 4 months without really thinking about what happened, until I had a random dream while in Montreal. The part the sucked the most was that there was no provocation for it. I randomly dreamt about the biggest event of my life over the past year, and was forced to face my feelings on the matter.
The dream brought up my feelings of insecurity, hatred, and confusion. While I am no longer as confused, or at least not caring to figure it out, I have now eliminated the other two aspects that have been plaguing my life the past 2 weeks. I suffered with my insecurities this past weekend and now know how to move forward in my life.
But for the hatred I felt towards this one person, it took a candlelight vigil to erase something I should never have had. Sure I was right at first to hate what they did to me. But 5 months later it's time to move on and be the bigger person.
So now I hold no hate in my heart for the person that once held it. I wish them all the happiness in the world and hope they stay strong through life. I still don't fully understand what happened, but maybe it's for the the better.
I've forgiven. Can you do the same?
As some people know I had my heart crushed this past May, and it took me some time to realize I could move on, and to stop beating myself up. I was able to go basically 4 months without really thinking about what happened, until I had a random dream while in Montreal. The part the sucked the most was that there was no provocation for it. I randomly dreamt about the biggest event of my life over the past year, and was forced to face my feelings on the matter.
The dream brought up my feelings of insecurity, hatred, and confusion. While I am no longer as confused, or at least not caring to figure it out, I have now eliminated the other two aspects that have been plaguing my life the past 2 weeks. I suffered with my insecurities this past weekend and now know how to move forward in my life.
But for the hatred I felt towards this one person, it took a candlelight vigil to erase something I should never have had. Sure I was right at first to hate what they did to me. But 5 months later it's time to move on and be the bigger person.
So now I hold no hate in my heart for the person that once held it. I wish them all the happiness in the world and hope they stay strong through life. I still don't fully understand what happened, but maybe it's for the the better.
I've forgiven. Can you do the same?
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Songs Inspire These Blog Posts
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TeFalnBiEkk
Start off by listening to this song. I have no idea where you can get it except off of YouTube or from me, but it is worth having.
So I forget if I've mentioned it before, but I go to this thing on campus called Link. It's a group faith discovery discussion group that meets every Wednesday night. And it seems to me that every week I take something out of the song we listen to. This week's song Today My Life Begins by Bruno Mars was the theme for the week, Today Your Life Begins.
During discussion one person brought up the point that this song makes it seem so easy to leave the past behind and move on. This isn't alright. It's definitely a great song, but completely forgetting the past is not the way to go about things. You need to embrace the good and bad of the past and learn from it and move on. Something I've been struggling with for 5 months (Some of you know why, and for those that don't, you don't want to).
Today IS a new day and so is everyday from here on out.
People need to learn that embracing this concept is the ideal way to go through life. Think of everyday as a fresh start. Don't forget your past, your worries, your faults, but EMBRACE them. This action will only strengthen you.
I feel like I'm preaching a practice that I myself don't follow, but not from lack of trying. I was able to move forward and embrace each day as a new one for approximately 4 months. Then a random dream this past weekend while I was in Montreal with my friends just flipped my life upside down. Luckily it was only 3 days of being thrown for a loop, before I went to Link and discovered that the topic was one that fit perfectly to my needs.
Time to get all religious on y'all. But to me it seemed like it was a sign from God that he is watching over me, and does care for me. About a month ago I needed a pep-talk from my good friend Adrianna, during which she read me the poem Footprints in the Sand by Mary Stevenson. In the poem a man dreams that he is walking along a beach with the Lord and he has visions of scenes of his life. In each there are footprints in the sand, sometimes two sets and sometimes one. The man gets bothered because the Lord always promised to walk with him and during the low periods of his life there is only one set of footprints. When the man questions the Lord, the Lord replies that "The times when you have seen only one set of footprints, is when I carried you".
I felt like my experience on Wednesday proved that the Lord carries you during the low periods of your life. Life is a mystery, and when it knocks you down it takes the strength and support of those that care for you to help you move on.
But sometimes you need to do this on your own, and it is during these times that you learn the most and appreciate the end result the most.
I know from experience that it isn't easy, but everyday is a new day, so live each day like it's a new life. It's been said that we only live one life, but why not think of it as just one big life with tons of mini-lives in it?
On that note this long blog post concludes. Until next time..... (Which will probably be after next week's Link)
Start off by listening to this song. I have no idea where you can get it except off of YouTube or from me, but it is worth having.
So I forget if I've mentioned it before, but I go to this thing on campus called Link. It's a group faith discovery discussion group that meets every Wednesday night. And it seems to me that every week I take something out of the song we listen to. This week's song Today My Life Begins by Bruno Mars was the theme for the week, Today Your Life Begins.
During discussion one person brought up the point that this song makes it seem so easy to leave the past behind and move on. This isn't alright. It's definitely a great song, but completely forgetting the past is not the way to go about things. You need to embrace the good and bad of the past and learn from it and move on. Something I've been struggling with for 5 months (Some of you know why, and for those that don't, you don't want to).
Today IS a new day and so is everyday from here on out.
People need to learn that embracing this concept is the ideal way to go through life. Think of everyday as a fresh start. Don't forget your past, your worries, your faults, but EMBRACE them. This action will only strengthen you.
I feel like I'm preaching a practice that I myself don't follow, but not from lack of trying. I was able to move forward and embrace each day as a new one for approximately 4 months. Then a random dream this past weekend while I was in Montreal with my friends just flipped my life upside down. Luckily it was only 3 days of being thrown for a loop, before I went to Link and discovered that the topic was one that fit perfectly to my needs.
Time to get all religious on y'all. But to me it seemed like it was a sign from God that he is watching over me, and does care for me. About a month ago I needed a pep-talk from my good friend Adrianna, during which she read me the poem Footprints in the Sand by Mary Stevenson. In the poem a man dreams that he is walking along a beach with the Lord and he has visions of scenes of his life. In each there are footprints in the sand, sometimes two sets and sometimes one. The man gets bothered because the Lord always promised to walk with him and during the low periods of his life there is only one set of footprints. When the man questions the Lord, the Lord replies that "The times when you have seen only one set of footprints, is when I carried you".
I felt like my experience on Wednesday proved that the Lord carries you during the low periods of your life. Life is a mystery, and when it knocks you down it takes the strength and support of those that care for you to help you move on.
But sometimes you need to do this on your own, and it is during these times that you learn the most and appreciate the end result the most.
I know from experience that it isn't easy, but everyday is a new day, so live each day like it's a new life. It's been said that we only live one life, but why not think of it as just one big life with tons of mini-lives in it?
On that note this long blog post concludes. Until next time..... (Which will probably be after next week's Link)
Friday, October 8, 2010
Long Time
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BTFD5DZwK7g Go to like the 2:15 mark. I had this song stuck in my head. And the long time part applies to me not posting in a long time.
Anyways, I've been meaning to write for a while now, but this is the first time I've taken to do so. And this week's topic is perception. Especially perception of self, and of your friends. This is something I have been struggling with for quite some time now. Basically since May. But after a few weeks it didn't become a big deal again until like 2 weeks ago. I don't know how I come across to people, but there is so much going on in my mind all the time, and a lot of the time it's doubt. Doubt about myself, friends, love, life, humanity, basically if you name it I doubt something about it.
Perception of self is something I've talked a lot about recently with one of my good friends. And he has made is quite clear it is all about liking yourself, and believing in yourself. If you do this, other people will notice and feel the same way about you. (Did I sum that up right?)
One of the other big things I've learned but can't make my brain believe is that people can care about you even if they suck at showing it.
Alright this feels like too much of a journal.diary entry. But basically it all comes down to liking oneself. If you can accomplish this, than everything else will fall in place.
It is the people that struggle with this daily that have the hardest time dealing. And while they might not outwardly show it, they are hurting inside and need people to help them carry on.
So my message to you today is to keep caring for other people, and keep caring for yourself. Because as shitty as life seems right now it will get better. It's all part of some ultimate plan. Or at least I deeply hope it is. Otherwise I've been dealt all the bad cards
Anyways, I've been meaning to write for a while now, but this is the first time I've taken to do so. And this week's topic is perception. Especially perception of self, and of your friends. This is something I have been struggling with for quite some time now. Basically since May. But after a few weeks it didn't become a big deal again until like 2 weeks ago. I don't know how I come across to people, but there is so much going on in my mind all the time, and a lot of the time it's doubt. Doubt about myself, friends, love, life, humanity, basically if you name it I doubt something about it.
Perception of self is something I've talked a lot about recently with one of my good friends. And he has made is quite clear it is all about liking yourself, and believing in yourself. If you do this, other people will notice and feel the same way about you. (Did I sum that up right?)
One of the other big things I've learned but can't make my brain believe is that people can care about you even if they suck at showing it.
Alright this feels like too much of a journal.diary entry. But basically it all comes down to liking oneself. If you can accomplish this, than everything else will fall in place.
It is the people that struggle with this daily that have the hardest time dealing. And while they might not outwardly show it, they are hurting inside and need people to help them carry on.
So my message to you today is to keep caring for other people, and keep caring for yourself. Because as shitty as life seems right now it will get better. It's all part of some ultimate plan. Or at least I deeply hope it is. Otherwise I've been dealt all the bad cards
Thursday, September 23, 2010
The Motions
So Idk how many of my readers out there know about the faith group Link that is here on SMC campus, but it meets every Wednesday night at 8, and it is a really nice time to just put things into perspective, both religious and nonreligious.
I want to begin this blog post by posting a link to a video that you can either watch/listen to, or just skip over. Even if you aren't religious you can listen/watch and think about your life in general. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qaHmiFaX_pk
We listened to this song on Wednesday night and while it definitely spoke to my religious faith, I also found several parallels to my everyday life. How often do we just go through our daily routine doing the same stuff every single day? Is it because we are afraid of change? While we focused mainly on how the song related to our faith in God, we also talked about how being just okay, and how not taking chances and asking what if, are not good policies on how to live one's life.
I found that this directly related to my life, especially my life of the past few weeks. I decided that just okay wasn't gonna cut it for several aspects of my life. So I took a chance, and while one aspect has turned out well (I think), the other ended up with a huge fight with someone that I care about and need as a pillar in my life. Like the song says, "This might hurt, it's not safe/But I know that I've gotta make a change/I don't care if I break,/At least I'll be feeling something". While it definitely hurt to fight with this person, at least I was feeling something. I took the chance and now ultimately I think our friendship is a lot stronger.
The same needed to happen in my Faith life. From Confirmation until the beginning of this school year, I lacked strong faith in my life. I think being forced to go to CCD and not being from a religious family definitely didn't help. But something I realized this summer (kinda outta the blue) was that I was lacking something in my life. Faith. I had been going through the motions of praying when I needed something, and then forgetting all about God for long lengths of time. As I said in a previous blog post, I had an epiphany about my religion last year in Philosophy class. I think that this may have triggered past of my desire to establish just what I believe when it comes to God.
I promise to all my nonreligious readers out there that I won't be writing about God, and faith every post. I just thought that this song would apply to anyone. So just think about it for a minute. What can you do to stop just going through the motions of living? What can you do but take a risk?
Until next time, live long and prosper
I want to begin this blog post by posting a link to a video that you can either watch/listen to, or just skip over. Even if you aren't religious you can listen/watch and think about your life in general. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qaHmiFaX_pk
We listened to this song on Wednesday night and while it definitely spoke to my religious faith, I also found several parallels to my everyday life. How often do we just go through our daily routine doing the same stuff every single day? Is it because we are afraid of change? While we focused mainly on how the song related to our faith in God, we also talked about how being just okay, and how not taking chances and asking what if, are not good policies on how to live one's life.
I found that this directly related to my life, especially my life of the past few weeks. I decided that just okay wasn't gonna cut it for several aspects of my life. So I took a chance, and while one aspect has turned out well (I think), the other ended up with a huge fight with someone that I care about and need as a pillar in my life. Like the song says, "This might hurt, it's not safe/But I know that I've gotta make a change/I don't care if I break,/At least I'll be feeling something". While it definitely hurt to fight with this person, at least I was feeling something. I took the chance and now ultimately I think our friendship is a lot stronger.
The same needed to happen in my Faith life. From Confirmation until the beginning of this school year, I lacked strong faith in my life. I think being forced to go to CCD and not being from a religious family definitely didn't help. But something I realized this summer (kinda outta the blue) was that I was lacking something in my life. Faith. I had been going through the motions of praying when I needed something, and then forgetting all about God for long lengths of time. As I said in a previous blog post, I had an epiphany about my religion last year in Philosophy class. I think that this may have triggered past of my desire to establish just what I believe when it comes to God.
I promise to all my nonreligious readers out there that I won't be writing about God, and faith every post. I just thought that this song would apply to anyone. So just think about it for a minute. What can you do to stop just going through the motions of living? What can you do but take a risk?
Until next time, live long and prosper
Thursday, September 16, 2010
My life is synonymous with Lighting Design?!?!
So this morning I had my Lighting Design class from 10-11:15. We were getting a demonstration on the elements of direction and intensity, and after some troubleshooting we also saw how the LED fixtures worked. (Please stick with me, I hope that the post won't be too boring for all of you that have no idea what I am talking about). I will admit that I was slightly zoning out thinking about how hungry I was, but there was one comment that John (Professor Devlin) made that caught my attention. Lighting design is all about making sure that the actors are seen on the stage, and that the desired effect comes across to the audience. But John made the interesting point that the cool thing about lighting design is that when you want to hide something, you just turn the lights off.
Now some of you are probably wondering where the hell I am going with this, and the rest of you have a vague idea of what I might be getting at, but you still don't know where the hell I am going with it. The way I handle problems in my life is to figuratively just turn off the lights. It's not that I pretend I can't see the problem, it's that I seem to turn myself off and I close down and just don't discuss it and say everything is fine.
But in reality it is not fine.
Until early this summer I never had to face any of my flaws, or discuss these imperfections or my thoughts on why certain things bug me. But then one of my friends (You so know who you are) kindly pointed out my imperfections, and I was forced to see all the things I had been trying to hide by just turning off the lights.
While turning the lights off as a lighting designer is a perfect way to end something or hide something, it is not a way that one should handle the difficult things in their life. You need to face life's imperfections no matter how unpleasant they are and how uncomfortable they make you.
This blog post had a better structure in my head during class this morning. Sorry that it isn't as deep as my other posts.
Now some of you are probably wondering where the hell I am going with this, and the rest of you have a vague idea of what I might be getting at, but you still don't know where the hell I am going with it. The way I handle problems in my life is to figuratively just turn off the lights. It's not that I pretend I can't see the problem, it's that I seem to turn myself off and I close down and just don't discuss it and say everything is fine.
But in reality it is not fine.
Until early this summer I never had to face any of my flaws, or discuss these imperfections or my thoughts on why certain things bug me. But then one of my friends (You so know who you are) kindly pointed out my imperfections, and I was forced to see all the things I had been trying to hide by just turning off the lights.
While turning the lights off as a lighting designer is a perfect way to end something or hide something, it is not a way that one should handle the difficult things in their life. You need to face life's imperfections no matter how unpleasant they are and how uncomfortable they make you.
This blog post had a better structure in my head during class this morning. Sorry that it isn't as deep as my other posts.
Monday, September 13, 2010
Life in the Fast Lane
More and more I am hearing from people that they are stressed and don't have any free time. I feel for these people and consider myself amongst their ranks. But is this really a legitimate excuse?...
We create our own hectic life. Is it really necessary that we are a part of 4 different organizations and take 5 classes and work a job or 2 and this and that and everything else under the sun. I am guilty of this and I am in no way criticizing people who do this, but I don't think that anyone can honestly complain that they have no free time when 3/4 of the stuff in their schedule is optional stuff...
OPTIONAL means that if you miss a meeting, it is not the end of the world. No one forces you to do anything in your life. And this is something that people don't like hearing or excepting. And even when they except it they still search for a reason why something on their schedule is necessary. I don't think I can count the amount of times I have heard the words "But I can't" when I tell someone that they honestly don't have to go to that club meeting. I understand that you want to be involved, but staying unstressed is more important than perfect attendance to a club where all the other people selectively choose when they attend.
If you honestly can't let something go in your life and want to maintain a busy schedule, then go ahead. But don't complain to me that you are stressed and have no time to do anything fun. Because frankly I just told you so and I will direct you back to this blog post if you do.
P.S. Don't make plans if you know you are going to break them because you are too busy. This is not good for 2 reasons. 1: The other person probably got their hopes up. & 2: IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE
P.P.S Sorry that this is a rant. Next post will be better
We create our own hectic life. Is it really necessary that we are a part of 4 different organizations and take 5 classes and work a job or 2 and this and that and everything else under the sun. I am guilty of this and I am in no way criticizing people who do this, but I don't think that anyone can honestly complain that they have no free time when 3/4 of the stuff in their schedule is optional stuff...
OPTIONAL means that if you miss a meeting, it is not the end of the world. No one forces you to do anything in your life. And this is something that people don't like hearing or excepting. And even when they except it they still search for a reason why something on their schedule is necessary. I don't think I can count the amount of times I have heard the words "But I can't" when I tell someone that they honestly don't have to go to that club meeting. I understand that you want to be involved, but staying unstressed is more important than perfect attendance to a club where all the other people selectively choose when they attend.
If you honestly can't let something go in your life and want to maintain a busy schedule, then go ahead. But don't complain to me that you are stressed and have no time to do anything fun. Because frankly I just told you so and I will direct you back to this blog post if you do.
P.S. Don't make plans if you know you are going to break them because you are too busy. This is not good for 2 reasons. 1: The other person probably got their hopes up. & 2: IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE
P.P.S Sorry that this is a rant. Next post will be better
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Faith
I was not planning on posting again so soon, I don't want this to become like a teenage girl's diary where she posts every little detail about her life for like 2 weeks and then forgets about the diary until she is 25..... This will not be so because I will post beyond 2 weeks, and won't put every little detail on this blog.
Faith. I don't think I can encapsulate all the thoughts I am having on the topic of faith at the moment, but I'll leave a few and then ask that you bear with me until homework allows me to continue. I attended mass tonight because one of my goals for the year is to establish my faith. I had an amazing epiphany last spring in my Intro to Philosophy course on the topic of faith and religion. I am of the firm belief that just as long as one has faith and believes in something greater than themselves all will not be lost. I am not trying to preach my religion here, nor denounce it or any others. I merely wish that everyone could understand that there is no one right answer. I mean I guess in the long run one faith, one religion will be right....
But many people forget, choose to ignore, or never learn that Judaism, Christianity and Islam all have the same roots. Why must one be right? Because one person in the past denounced other faiths? Why can't everyone be right and be believing in the same God? Maybe these 3 religions are just different interpretations of the same God's message?
The God I believe in is an understanding God, that I believe will forgive you is you doubt him. After all in this world full of sadness and violence it can be hard to believe God would allow the pain and misery. Once I clearly remember my Philosophy epiphany I will share it with y'all, but until then ponder one thing for me. Wouldn't you want God to forgive you? What if you had a different religion? Wouldn't you want God to understand if yours was "the wrong" one? Maybe there is no right answer, maybe we are all wrong, maybe the truth won't be revealed for another hundred years, maybe it never will. Whatever happens, happens.
As Douglas Adams wrote, "Don't Panic". While this is from a completely different context, apply this to all worries you may have. And remember I am not trying to challenge any faith, religion, or set of beliefs. Merely ask that you be understanding of others'.
Faith. I don't think I can encapsulate all the thoughts I am having on the topic of faith at the moment, but I'll leave a few and then ask that you bear with me until homework allows me to continue. I attended mass tonight because one of my goals for the year is to establish my faith. I had an amazing epiphany last spring in my Intro to Philosophy course on the topic of faith and religion. I am of the firm belief that just as long as one has faith and believes in something greater than themselves all will not be lost. I am not trying to preach my religion here, nor denounce it or any others. I merely wish that everyone could understand that there is no one right answer. I mean I guess in the long run one faith, one religion will be right....
But many people forget, choose to ignore, or never learn that Judaism, Christianity and Islam all have the same roots. Why must one be right? Because one person in the past denounced other faiths? Why can't everyone be right and be believing in the same God? Maybe these 3 religions are just different interpretations of the same God's message?
The God I believe in is an understanding God, that I believe will forgive you is you doubt him. After all in this world full of sadness and violence it can be hard to believe God would allow the pain and misery. Once I clearly remember my Philosophy epiphany I will share it with y'all, but until then ponder one thing for me. Wouldn't you want God to forgive you? What if you had a different religion? Wouldn't you want God to understand if yours was "the wrong" one? Maybe there is no right answer, maybe we are all wrong, maybe the truth won't be revealed for another hundred years, maybe it never will. Whatever happens, happens.
As Douglas Adams wrote, "Don't Panic". While this is from a completely different context, apply this to all worries you may have. And remember I am not trying to challenge any faith, religion, or set of beliefs. Merely ask that you be understanding of others'.
Here we go...
So mainly I started this blog because a few of my friends now have them (you know who you are), and I figured this will be a good way to voice my opinions instead of telling everything to a certain confidante. I'm not planning on getting too personal, those thoughts will be for me and a select few, not the entire world. I plan on discussing the non-personal stuff that goes through my head. And trust me a LOT of stuff is going on in there. Global issues, stuff I read, stuff I discuss with others, and stuff I just feel like talking about will all find its way onto this blog.
Some may be asking why I chose the title I did.....Well the friends I mentioned before's blogs are called This Kid, His World and My World According to Me.... Hence my title. And I do like to think my world, or the world according to me is different from their's mostly because there is so much activity in my brain. Think of a caffeinated hamster that is traveling so fast that he/she makes the wheel come lose from its axis....That is what brain's inner-workings are like...
Alrighty so that is good enough of a beginning. Time to go do some of that dreaded homework O_o I'll post again soon
Some may be asking why I chose the title I did.....Well the friends I mentioned before's blogs are called This Kid, His World and My World According to Me.... Hence my title. And I do like to think my world, or the world according to me is different from their's mostly because there is so much activity in my brain. Think of a caffeinated hamster that is traveling so fast that he/she makes the wheel come lose from its axis....That is what brain's inner-workings are like...
Alrighty so that is good enough of a beginning. Time to go do some of that dreaded homework O_o I'll post again soon
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